Another year . . .

It's August again.  Whoo hoo.  The birthday is this week, and I'm not celebrating per usual. Trying to keep it as low-key as possible without expectation.  Having no expectations is a good thing.  Avoids so much disappointment later.  This year I plan to go to work and stay all day, even though  I don't really have to.  Maybe go to my dad's gig later. Or not.  The only thing I really want to do is have a massage, which I might do in the afternoon. We'll see.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be life if I were traditional.  What would happen if I were the person who enjoyed having big birthday parties, wanted to have a big wedding, two kids and large celebrations around each of those events?  What would life be like if I participated?  Maybe nobody would celebrate with me, but maybe they would.  Maybe I would attract different people -- people who were so happy that I was alive that they would be moved to celebrate the day.  My life experiences would be completely different, along with the people in my life.

But then I guess I would have needed to have had different parents, so I guess I'll choose my life -- however flawed.

Per usual

So, here I am again.  In another place of despair.  I guess it's a good thing that I haven't been moved to write in six months.  I guess that means that everything has been okay since the last time I decided to bang out a post here.

So . . . what's going on with me is that I'm frustrated.  My dad's health isn't as great as it was when last I wrote.  He had a surgery that he hasn't completely recovered from -- a surgery that I never wanted him to have in the first place.  It's scary, because he's really all I have in this world.  I have cousins and other family members, but when it really comes down to it, it's me and him against the world.  I don't like the idea of having noone.  I guess I have the boyfriend, but anything can happen.  Relationships are fragile, and ours seems to be really fragile at times.

Speaking of which, are relationships overrated?  They might be the cruel joke of the Universe. There are moments when I wonder what I would do if I were single, and moments when I think we're all destined to be single in the final analysis.

I guess one day I'll figure out which theory is accurate.