Perspectives

I'm pretty realistic about my life.  I know the parts that are good, and the parts that operate with a razor sharp double-edged sword.  I know the areas that might appear to be enviable to people, and the murky regions that would cause someone not to want to walk even a block, let alone a mile in my shoes.

There are many regrets, and I'm not one of those people who said that they wouldn't do anything differently if given the opportunity.  I would do a LOT of things differently if given the chance.  A whole lot. Starting with childhood.  But I don't want to start documenting those things, because in my mood, they would only serve to further depress me.

But the thing is that I know that everything I've received is a direct result of something that I've either done or didn't do.  And when I look at the things that have been disappointing in my life, that's a bitter pill to swallow.  I should have worked harder.  I should have taken advice.  I should have been more discerning.  I should have had more self worth.  I should have admitted the things that I wanted, as opposed to pretending that I didn't want them as a defense mechanism in case I didn't get them.  Because guess what?  I didn't get them. I shouldn't have been afraid to fail.  I shouldn't have been afraid to succeed.  I shouldn't have been afraid to jump in feet first with no safety net.  I should believe, because that might change my path.  I should have made different choices.

And here we are at the end of 2013.  I don't have a lot that I want, and I'm walking into this year in worst financial shape than I've been in probably ever.  And my chances for getting those things diminish as I get older.  But, I do enjoy celebrating the successes of others.  Although I often wonder about the double-edged swords of their lives.  Even the happiness people have haunts, but maybe they have fewer regrets.

The recent news of Gabrielle Union and her fiance with his extracurricular child is interesting.  I'm not in her shoes, nor do I understand her decisions, but I would imagine that this news was extremely disappointing to her.  And it's a major game-changer when finances are considered.  I just wonder about the whole process.  Was the 8 carat ring making up for his indiscretion?  And is it enough to cause her to overlook it?  Will he go for custody of this child too, giving her THREE kids to raise who were birthed by other women?  Makes me wonder.  No judgment.  Just wondering.