I think I've done myself a great disservice. Through all of my anger about racism and not being treated fairly, I've realized that I've failed to demand great treatment in my personal life.
I'm not sure where it started -- not quite sure when I decided that I wasn't worth the effort or the trouble. Why didn't I go the traditional route? Could I have been a good wife? Maybe a good mother? Okay, so I don't really like children, but why have I never demanded more of my relationships? Why do I walk around expecting people to give me things that I don't ask for?
I've made a practice of taking whatever people will give me until I decide it no longer works for me and then I move on. I've put up with bad treatment from substandard people, and I've gotten myself in situations where I'm with people who aren't even really attracted to me.
So, I guess the question is why I always put myself last, and why I allow myself to be put last? And when will I stop? If ever.
I guess the next question would be whether I know how to behave differently.
